There's an old saying that asks if you would rather be right or happy. I've had two email exchanges in the last two days that were really effective at pointing out what I've been choosing.
In each, I took a pretty strong position. One was related to my personal life, and one was at work.
And when my view was questioned (in each case, rather strongly), I felt myself clench up. I was angry. I immediately wanted to defend myself and show why I was RIGHT and the other person was WRONG! But of course we all bring our own views and biases and triggers to each situation. I can read an email in a haze of emotion and adrenaline and have one reaction, and read it ten minutes later and come to a completely different conclusion. What is that about?
I don't have an answer. I suspect it is just part of an instinctive defending of a self, even as the sense of that self gets more murky. But part of this path, it seems, is noticing those vulnerabilities, those times when we are less likely to have a clear response to something. And waiting a few minutes, or a few days, to send an email response (for example) when we feel like that.
I'd rather be happy. But I don't always act that way.
P.S. This is my one hundredth entry in The Corporate Zendo. Thanks for your encouraging words and suggestions.
I still don't know what this really is. Sometimes, it feels like it's a lecture, sometimes, an advice column, and sometimes, a confessional. But if you know someone who might find it useful, please forward the following link: