Finding Our Inspiration

When you're desperate, things are difficult. You don't know what to do. You struggle. You're afraid.

When you're inspired, things are easy. Life flows. You may not even know why you're doing something, but it comes with a sense of purpose and with almost no effort. Task seem to perform themselves and you just go for the ride.

Of course, most of our lives fall somewhere between desperation and inspiration. Most of the time we do things because we think we should. Because something is on our list or someone else's. Because our left brain tells us to. But we all know that's not a recipe for happiness.

The key question is how do we spend more time in a state of inspiration, where we're creating what we want to for the sheer joy it brings?

Here's a few things that I've found can be helpful:

1. Be present. You don't have to join an ashram. But you should spend a little bit of time activating the right hemisphere of the brain (the part of you that's already happy), and there are lots of good ways to do that, including meditation, yoga, martial arts, aerobic exercise (even walking), art, music, time in nature, or time with animals or children. Regular time here helps to destress and add some space to your life.

2. Cut caffeine and sugar. Caffeine triggers our adrenaline and cortisol, which means artificially induced fear and stress.  Sugar does the same thing, though to a lesser extent. It's difficult to feel inspired when we're stressed out.

3. Notice when you're afraid. When we're afraid, it generally means our amygdala has kicked in. We go on autopilot, and we try to escape or protect ourselves. Our view of the world gets much narrower, basically coming down to that which is threatening us and that which we see as the quickest escape route. Again, not very inspiring. Just taking one or two breaths, and focusing on the sensations of our bodies (rather than the panicked messages our brains are sending us) can make a huge difference.

4. Covet the quiet. We all have that still small voice. Give it as many opportunities to talk to you as possible.

Most of us spend way to much time running around trying to get all the things done that others have told us will make us happy. We rarely pay attention to the things that we want to do, and when we do, sometimes they only make us more afraid. Starting to engage in these practices won't change your world overnight. But over time, you'll find that you're more in touch with what inspires you, that it will spontaneously begin to emerge from you. You'll find more ways, and more time, to share your inspiration with the world. And that, I believe, is what we're here to do.

Jeff

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Losing Control

It can be overwhelming, sometimes, when we feel like we don't have control.

I think we've all had that feeling, when we did everything we could and still lost. We didn't get the girl or guy, we didn't get the promotion or the job or the business. And we beat ourselves up, looking for things that we could have done differently, or blaming ourselves for taking on the challenge in the first place.

It can be useful to take a few moments to see if those thoughts are true.

If it truly was outside our control, we're suffering unnecessarily when we think things should have been different. (Truth is, even if it was in our control, it's done now, right?)

Sadness happens. Regret happens. Anger happens. And rather than think that things should have happened differently, or that we should be feeling different now, it's generally best just to let ourselves feel whatever we're feeling.

Let those feelings come. Grieve if that's what is called for. If you're honest with yourself, if you just allow those feelings to come, you'll also allow those feelings to pass. Without clinging, without resistance.

And just like a thunderstorm. it's over, and the sun comes out again.

Jeff

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The Happy Perfectionist

Most of us think of perfectionism as a bad thing. But research shows that there are actually at least two distinct kinds of perfectionism--adaptive (good) and maladaptive (bad).

The bad kind is when we strive for external approval. When we do that, we get caught up in being good. We get paralyzed by fearing the judgment of others. And we stress out about it, big time.

The good kind, though, is internally driven. It's about the creative process itself, about organization, about motivating ourselves and others. We set high standards because it brings us joy to write or speak or manage as well as we can. We see the process of mastery never ends and enjoy learning for it's own sake.

Bad perfectionists tend to be difficult and miserable. Good perfectionists get themselves and their teams caught up in the flow of their own efforts. They work to as high a standard as possible, and then let go.

And they're actually happier as a result.

Jeff

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Three Things You Can Stop Doing Now

If you want to free up some time (and don't we all?), you need to do less. Here are three things that you can do less of this week. Try it and see how much more time you have if you do even a little bit less of the following--

1. Beating yourself up. Stop being so hard on yourself. Accept where you are, what you get done, and what you don't. If you're not ready to do something, it may be for a good reason. See where that goes. And yes, not beating yourself up includes not beating yourself up for not being able to stop beating yourself up!

2. Trying to change things. There are a lot of things that are outside of your control. So it is a complete waste of physical and mental energy to try to change them or even to think they should be different. These things are the way the are. There. Isn't that a lot easier?

3. Worrying about the future. Here's a handy rule--ask if you can do something about this right now. If the answer is yes, then do that. If the answer is no, put it aside (you can write it down, put it in a file, put a reminder on your calendar). Come back to it when you can actually address it. No need to worry about it before then.

See how that feels. Let me know how it goes. And have fun!

Jeff

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Happiness is Contagious

We all instinctively know that when we're around happy people, we feel better. When we're around nervous people, or angry people, some of that energy rubs off on us, too.

Turns out there's a scientific basis for this. Mirror neurons enable us to feel what another is doing, or feeling, as if we were doing it ourselves. These brain cells fire when we're doing or feeling something, and, apparently, they also fire when another person is doing or feeling something, like a tuning fork. Mirror neurons enable us to experience the internal state of another human being, as imitation or even as empathy.

We are literally connected to each other at the cellular level. Because of that, being happy, and sharing that happiness, is one of the most important things that you can do for your neighbor and the world.

Remember that right now, you're already complete. And share some of that happiness today, and this weekend, too.

Jeff

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The Problem of Anger

I read a lot of Buddhist teachings. And I must admit I'm confused about the Buddhist position on anger. I think anger gets a bad rap. Along with a few other things.

Don't get me wrong. A lot of bad comes from anger. Anger is often unconscious, a reaction based on our triggers. Anger can result in sarcasm, condescension, cruelty, abuse, even murder. But anger can also motivate change. It can provide focus. Anger can help us protect ourselves. Anger can give us far more energy and strength than we would otherwise have.

So when I see a piece talking about "three steps to eliminate anger," I worry some.

There are clearly emotions we view as negative. Fear, anger, guilt, greed, lust, and probably some others. But this doesn't mean they should be eliminated. Each of them is part of the human experience. Trying to eliminate them could easily turn into denial or repression.

Instead, let's embrace them as teachers, and pay close attention to what they say to us. Even if we don't always like the message.

Jeff

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Follow Your Fear

Joseph Campbell used to tell people to follow their bliss.

I think that's great advice. There are things that emerge, deep from within us, that simply must be done. Paths that must be taken. Our inspiration, at least most of the time, doesn't care if we're afraid, or worry about what others might think.

But sometimes there's something really, really big that cries out to be done. Something that's over the line of what you have done before. Where you really don't know if you can do it.

You may not even recognize your inspiration, because every time you get close to thinking about the really big thing, the fear kicks in and you shut down. This is your amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for the fight or flight impulse. Any time you don't feel safe, your amygdala floods your system with chemicals that tell you to get the hell out of there.

This fear is your friend. It's a roadmap that shows you the boundary between what you're comfortable doing and where you really begin to stretch. Work with this fear. Flirt with it. Go right to the edge of it. Push through it, and you'll see there are no limits.

Jeff

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