In meditation, there is no escape.
We are faced with our incessant thinking, thinking, thinking. Hopeful thoughts, unrealistic thoughts, critical thoughts, fearful thoughts.
And at some point, we have to admit to ourselves--this is what is happening. This is what I think about. There are things that I think about that I do not like to admit, even to myself. And I think about those things a lot.
When we reach this point, there are a couple of things that can happen. The first is that we can feel bad about it. This is only natural. It can be quite unnerving when we quiet down enough to hear our own thoughts. But sometimes people feel so bad about them that they run the other way. They stop looking. They are determined to shut the door on any future inquiries. They go back to being busy, to hiding from themselves, because it's easier. And less scary.
For those who continue, though, this admission, this confession, that we are both the bad and the good, is the beginning of healing. And the more honest we can be with ourselves, the more the space around these thoughts can open. We can learn compassion for ourselves, and discover that we are both less than we thought we were, and more.