Friday, June 4, 2010

Hidden Wounds

We all have wounds from where we have been hurt. Sometimes, we don't even want to acknowledge them. Like a cornered dog, we snap at anyone who tries to get close.

We can be so good at hiding these wounds that we are not even conscious of them. Instead, we just start snapping. Recently, I found myself attacking someone, insisting that I was right and that this person (to whom I happen to be married) was out of line, that she was being disrespectful.

When we find ourselves defending something, or fuming that someone else is doing something inappropriate, there is generally something worth investigating. It could be that at the center of our blaming is a deep wound, one that we have carefully protected even from ourselves.

It took awhile for me to see that. I went unconscious for awhile--the defenses took over and I focused all my energies on the terrible ways my wife was behaving. But then, as rational thought returned, I started noticing my urge to protect, and wondering "what is it that I am not seeing? What is it that I am protecting?"

In this case, I found a deep insecurity about my abilities as a parent. And I am grateful to my wife for helping me see it. Of course, it could be anything. The blessing is in the seeing. When we become aware of our wounds, they often begin to heal on their own.


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