Just Noticing, Part 4

This will be my last post on Just Noticing. I've been talking a lot about noticing your thoughts in different contexts. I know it is helpful for me to look at my reactions to people, my thoughts about myself, messages that we get from others and my thoughts about those messages.

And of course, we can also notice our thoughts at and about work. If you haven't already, I'd encourage you to take some time to do that.

Today, though, we're going to notice something different. Something that actually isn't there.

I want you to notice, to find, where all those thoughts are coming from. The silence from which everything emerges.

This noticing is a lifelong practice in some wisdom traditions. Some spend years in retreat meditating on it. 

But it can be powerful event to notice this for one breath. It can give us a sense of peace, and of calm. In the midst of turbulence, this silence, this space, is always available to us. This is the place where, moment by moment, our world is created. And many have said that to rest in it is the ultimate healing.

Jeff

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Just Noticing, Part 3

On Monday, we took a look at the thoughts we have about other people.

On Tuesday, we took a look at the thoughts we have about ourselves.

Today, notice all the messages that you get--through advertising, the Internet, the news media, and so on.

Some of those messages might be that one political party is good and another is bad. Or that you could be happier if you only purchased a certain brand of toothpaste or watch a particular TV show. Or that certain body types are more desirable than others, or certain lifestyles are better than others, or certain types of education or reading material or careers.

These messages might be a bit more subtle than the ones from the last couple of days, because you are not necessarily looking just at your thoughts. But notice that these messages turn into thoughts, which are followed by your reactions (also in the form of thoughts) Notice that your thoughts about the messages are probably different than the messages themselves.

You don't need to analyze this or make it overly complicated. Instead, just notice the messages and your reaction to them.

For example, when I'm at the mall, I notice there are a lot of very glamorous people in ads that have beautiful things. I notice a sense in me that I don't have these things, that something might be missing in my life, that I might be a more desirable person if I did have these things. Then I also notice a questioning in myself. Is that really true? Can I be a better person based on the things that I have?

What do you notice?

More tomorrow.

Jeff

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Just Noticing, Part 2

Today's experiment is similar to yesterday's.

Today, though, I want you to go to a quiet place, away from other people. Get comfortable, in a chair or on the floor. Whatever works.

For a few minutes, I want you to notice what you're thinking about, especially if it's a thought about you. Notice the stories that you are telling yourself.

Maybe you're thinking back about all the great things you've done. Maybe you're feeling good. Or maybe you're being judgmental of yourself.

I tend to think about things that I'm afraid to do. Or things I wish I could have done differently.

I think most of us tend to be pretty hard on ourselves. Harder, maybe, than we are on other people.

So here's the second part of today's experiment.

Whatever it is that you are afraid of, or that you regret, I want you to imagine that your best friend came to you and told you that he or she is dealing with the issue. This issue is now your best friend's, not yours.

And I want you to think about how you would be with your friend. The love, the caring, the understanding you would have. And now I want you to talk to yourself with the same caring and compassion, the same open gentle heart, that you would use with your best friend.

How does that feel? Can you be a little bit more kind with yourself? Can you forgive?

Can you, just for a moment, act as if you are your own best friend?

Try it and see.

Jeff

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Just Noticing, Part 1

Here's an experiment you can try for a few minutes.

Go to a public place. A mall, a bookstore, a restaurant. Someplace with a lot of strangers.

Then walk or sit and people watch. Don't stare--we're not trying to get in a fight or creep anyone out. But I want you to notice the thoughts that pop into your head about each person you see.

When I do this, I notice how quickly I form conclusions about people. How quickly I assume that someone is nice, or a jerk. I sometimes write a story about them on the spot. Where they live, where they work. Whether their kids like them, whether they're a jerk in the office.

We do this all the time. This is what human brains do. They try to make sense of the world. They build models and draw conclusions.

But I have to ask myself, is this prejudice (which literally means means prejudgment) actually helpful?

I notice I even have a reaction to the label "prejudice."

I'm not sure that we can wire our brains to be different. But, as this exercise shows, we can at least notice how often we do it. And, once we are conscious of it, we can choose to give less weight to it.

Maybe the person who rushed past me is dealing with a sick relative. Maybe the person who glared at me just got off a difficult phone call.

Maybe, just like me, and just like you, everyone is trying to do their best. In each and every moment.

Jeff

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Am I Really Too Busy?

The number one complaint I get from corporate types is that they're too busy. And it's true that we seem to be busier these days. And more stressed.

But I wonder if the issue isn't really that we're more distracted, not more busy. We have plenty to do, but there's also a lot that's competing for our attention.

You're reading a blog right now (and I thank you for that). But how many blogs do you read? How much time do you spend on email? Facebook? Twitter? How much time surfing the net? IMimg? And that's just online. What about reality TV, video games, trashy magazines? All the things you do at home to just zone out?

And don't forget my favorite, the time we spend complaining about how busy we are!

My experience is that when I say I'm too busy, I often mean something else. Here are three possibilities that resonate with me.

1. Lack of focus. It can be hard to stay focused, and it's natural to want to take breaks. Trouble is that with all the distractions around us, a short break can quickly turn into an hour.

2. Lack of enjoyment. Sometimes, we enjoy the distractions more than we enjoy our work. I find myself completely zoning out on conference calls, comforted by what I can find online. And yes, distractions can include the support and attention that we get from others when we complain about how busy we are.

3. Lack of energy.  Maybe we're not taking care of ourselves. If we don't get enough sleep or exercise, we can drag through the day. I know if I've not slept, my work day isn't about enjoyment, it's about survival.

When I feel a bit overwhelmed, typically one or more of these three things is going on. How about you?

Jeff

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Letting Go

What if for just one day you let go of the to do list and did whatever came up for you?

What if for just one day you dropped your "shoulds"?

What if for just one day, or one hour, or one moment, you let whatever was happening happen? With no need to control and no need for a particular result?

Would you do nothing?

Would you try something new? Or something you have been afraid of?

Is there any way to know what you would do without actually doing it?

Try it for a day, or an hour, or ten minutes.

And see if you can view whatever happens as exactly what was needed.

Jeff

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Brain Training

It's only been relatively recently that we've realized that physical exercise was of benefit to us.

It's pretty common to hear that someone is going to the club or gym to work out, or going to play tennis or basketball, for example. People walk or run and part of the reason that they do this is they expect some kind of benefit from it.

What's less common is that people will have, or talk about a mental practice.

I'm not sure why. There are people who take drugs to increase their concentration, for example, or to feel less depressed, but the idea that their is "brain exercise" or that there is a need for such exercise does not seem all that widespread.

And yet the benefits of even a simple and brief meditation practice are well-documented and undeniable. We can be calmer, with greater concentration and creatively. We can be less reactive and more kind. We can have more mental endurance. Our immune system function is enhanced and blood pressure is lowered. We experience less reactivity.

And the first step is just to notice what's happening. What's happening right now? What are your thoughts telling you? And how much of it is actually true? Do that a few minutes each day and you have a proven practice for training your brain.

Someday, maybe soon, "What kind of meditation do you practice?" will be just as common a question as "Where do you work out?" is today.

Jeff

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